Do you ever get so mad you feel sick?
You’re in another country and here i am alone..
All i can think of is that night in November…
I’m worried something like that will happen again…
that your lips will touch someone else’s…
everytime i think about it i feel stupid…
i shouldnt have taken you back so quickly. i shouldnt have forgiven you then and there. you wouldnt have done the same..
i get the urge every now and then to do the same to you. oddly enough, ive had a few chances here. this isnt healthy. i love you..
i dont know if we’re healthy…
it kills me.
i dont want to hurt you..but i dont think i can help it.
im more fucked up than i let you think.
i’m ashamed and will never tell you or anyone.
i wish someone was here next to me. to hold me like they held you. to sleep throughout the night with bodies entwined. their hand on my chest. my arm around them.
what am i doing? what the fuck am i thinking?
who am i becoming? i cant keep thinking such ridiculous thoughts.
im losing myself. no…fuck.
I do what I want and fuck things up.